This past year, I’ve set an intention for myself to ask for support when I need it and for things that I feel confused or frustrated by or want guidance to do things differently.
Asking for support doesn’t come easily to me.
I’ve learned at a very young age that asking for help or just asking a question was like walking into a minefield.
I learned to be attuned to how one of parent’s answered my pre question of “can I ask you something?” Depending on her response and the way she answered, gave me information of to stay away or to ask.
I was also a shy kid and felt vulnerable and exposed when I would even think of raising my hand in class in elementary school that followed me almost through my graduate program.
I prided myself on being fiercely independent and doing things myself.
Instead, I was avoiding feeling the pain of vulnerability and by avoiding the felt experience, I continued to feel the weight of the burden like they were a bag of boulders I was carrying around for decades.
Not asking for support was detrimental to me.
It inhibited trust I have for myself.
As I’ve been intentionally asking for support over the past year, the experience hasn’t been easy.
It’s felt awkward, I felt embarrassed, my questions were muddled because I wasn’t grounded in my body, but rather disconnected from myself and the shame of feeling vulnerable of asking the question rattled me.
Last week, was eye opening.
I stayed open to what the entirety of the experience was like when I had a chance to ask for support.
I initially felt resistance. My gremlins showed up and was like “nope, don’t do this, you don’t want this, it feels strange and DANGER!”
I still pushed.
When I asked my question(s), I felt my face get hot, my voice changed, my question was incoherent (from my perspective-which only fueled the judgment for myself).
When I made the choice to observe myself without judgement, I received insight that shame was keeping me from pushing through to the other side of this.
When I spoke to the shame and acknowledged it, I felt another layer of my limiting belief I had for myself get released.
The bag of boulders I was carrying around, were dropped to the side and my body felt lighter and more settled.
Even more so, sharing my experience and having open conversation about my shame gremlins surrounding asking for support, I see I’m not alone.
I’ve shared my experience with fellow coaches and even my husband.
Being able to acknowledge how shame kept me from expanding my world when I didn’t ask a question, my husband shared similar stories too.
Wow.
The power of connection and sharing vulnerability with someone(s) I trust, deepened my confidence in myself, highlighted my courage and also opened the door for others to do the same.
Now, with having this real and frank conversation with my husband about what asking for support means, we can be more aware of what stories are showing up for each of us and it allows for us to show more compassion to what the other’s experience is in the moment.
Sharing my vulnerability with others, creates a safe place for others to do the same. The healing ripples of acknowledging the shame and using the energy into something positively productive is transformational!
Good by bag of boulders! Hello spaciousness, creativity, freedom and peace!
Here are some ways support is available to you! It’s up to you to take the next step.
Community Connections Monthly Membership Group
Phenix Advocacy Center for Members (We open 3 April), you can follow the Phenix Advocacy Center before then.
Four Paws & You Dog Training 