Today is a great self reminder of how fear used to rule my thinking, stripping away my hope and sense of freedom. At the time, I didn’t know how fear felt. I didn’t acknowledge how fear rose up in my body and overwhelming and propelling me into feeling dread and gloom. Fear led to a cycling of thoughts leading me to try and control so many aspects of my external world. A lack of recognition of what fear was doing to me, I fell victim to what life was throwing at me and the result, a loss of connection with myself.
The current military actions happening in the Middle East by the hands of the US government, recycles the sense of dread and reminds me of those experiences of Eddie being active duty and preparing for war and being downrange for 9 months to a year. I know first hand the existential dread many families and active duty spouse are feeling. The gaps of knowing, the quickness of how things and plans change, the separation from loved ones who may never come back. I feel the powerlessness overcome my body and tears fall from my eyes. The fear that exists in the world isn’t lost on me.
At the same time and for the really the first time, I can experience the light within me that can mute the fear that is ever present. Waiting for me to indulge it. The light within me reminds me love is real and hope is still alive. It’s like straddling these two dimensions of what is real and not. Love is truly the only thing that exists and fear attempts to break that spirit of wholeness.
What I’m realizing today as fear makes its presence known is that I’m not where I used to be. Fear no longer takes over. Fear is not in the driver’s seat anymore. What I come to also realize is that even when fear pummeled me, I knew on a deep level the light within even if I didn’t acknowledge its presence. Today, I feel the power of acknowledging how love’s presence can cast out fear’s stranglehold on me. I also know where I shine the light is what grows. Just like seeds need light to poke through the soil, where I shine the light within me on something, it encourages more blooms of hopeful and loving thoughts.
Four Paws & You Dog Training 