Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

My dog “disappointed me”.

This is a heavy sentiment.

When any of my clients share this experience of their dog with me, I get curious.

I ask questions like, “what about your dog is disappointing you?”.

The surface answer is, when my dog has a potty accident, when my dog is barking and lunging, when my dog chews up my favorite shoes, when my dog……my dog is bad.

I still ask curious questions.

What comes up for the clients I work with is often their sense of responsibility. When their dog has an accident inside the home, it is like they didn’t do enough to prevent this from happening. They feel shame or guilt about not getting to their dog fast enough, their dog was confused about where to go, its raining outside and they haven’t got the bandwidth to think creatively on how to help their dog be successful.

When the dog potties, then it becomes easier to blame the dog.

For other clients, people pleasing comes up. When the client’s dog is barking and lunging, the client sees the dog as being bad because the other person the dog is barking at feels offended. In turn, the client sees their dog as a barrier to someone liking or accepting them.

I get curious here too and ask clients questions which guide them to make connections to what’s going on for them.

What clients discover is it less about what their dog is doing, but rather an old belief about themselves surfacing and inviting them to re evaluate.

Like any relationship, our relationship with our dogs is a mirror for ourselves and by being open to what is reflecting back to us, can we see ourselves more clearly.

I’m curious, what do you want to do with what your dog is reflecting back to you?

Choosing Connection in Conflict

Do you ever feel like you are butting heads with your significant other, or close friend or even your furry companion?

The tendency to disconnect in conflict is tangible.

Disconnect bleeds into dischord and then it becomes us versus them.

In this mindset, conflict can drive a wedge between the two sides without repair, the gap grows larger and beliefs about being right take hold.

We begin to convince ourselves that its the other person or even our dog that is causing us so much pain and grief.

But, conflict doesn’t have to lead to distancing ourselves from those we love, including ourselves.

When we lean into love and invite in connection into conflict, we can heal the things that divide us.

When we are coming from a place of loving connection, we are more willing to communicate and receive feedback without judgment or ridicule.

Take a pause and embrace the ones you love that you may be struggling to find common ground.

Take a moment and ground yourself what your true desire is and create an expression of this feeling.

If you desire closeness with your dog, but your dog has a different agenda, then what will encourage your dog to seek you out?

If you find yourself at odds with a relationship at work, ask yourself, what do you need and see what shows up.

Conflict happens within us and all around us.

You can make the choice of how you want to handle it in your life and with the ones you love.

Which will you choose?

Letting My Body Lead Me-I’ve Found The Answer

Last week, I was completely overwhelmed.

I felt irritable and frustrated with my to do list and not knowing where to start.

Prioritizing my tasks felt like a chore because they all felt they needed to be done at once.

On top of that, I was being pulled to doing additional duties (which I volunteered for), regardless I felt burdened by taking on more responsibility.

As feelings of overwhelm waxed, my desire to do things that bring me joy and freedom waned.

This was a “normal” pattern I created for myself.

In my past, I would meet overwhelm with doing more and pushing through and saying yes to everything that seemed appealing.

Where that led me was waking up in the middle of the night with my brain swirling.

I was tired. When I felt tired, I didn’t have the energy to focus on my to do list. I didn’t have the energy to move.

My body was stagnant and my mind followed.

Change is possible and I made the choice to explore a different way because I learned how the body mind connection works.

I woke up earlier than I planned one morning, contemplating whether I go out for a run or set the snooze button.

That’s when the whisper said to me, what do I need for myself?

As I poked around that question, I began seeing how I can carve out space in my routine to give me more of what I needed and wanted.

Rather than being on autopilot to start my day, I started reading for a few minutes. I chose a book that appealed as an inspiration.

While the change in routine wasn’t the most comfortable, reading allowed me to slow down and absorb something which expanded my imagination.

Asking what overwhelm was trying to get across to me also helped to understand that while I can feel immovable, movement was what my body needed.

So I went out for my run.

What began happening for me is seeing when I create space for myself and honor what I know what I need, I’m able to feel more of a sense of relief from daily stress.

I’m able to connect in a more whole way with others.

I’ve rediscovered how much joy my dogs create with me everyday.

My Tuesday nights feel like Friday nights.

My creativity flows and my desire to cook is ignited.

Sleep comes effortlessly and I’m more rested than ever.

Stress is still there, but I have more capacity to handle what’s thrown at me because I take care of myself first.