Spread Your Wings

One of my clients shared an update with me about how things were going since we last worked together about a year ago.

Tammy loves to paint, but she lost interest after her dad died several years ago.

She felt broken and overwhelmed by the loss of her father.

Grief washed over her, at times paralyzing her.

After her dad passed away, she adopted a couple of German Shepherds

Tammy had German Shepherds growing up and loved them, but these two didn’t get a long and on top of Tammy’s grief, she also felt guilt and shame for her dogs not being the best of friends.

She read all the books, was in all the FB groups and spoke with professionals (some she learned didn’t align with her values and was led astray in how to teach them)

Things were getting progressively worse in her home. Tammy was afraid of her dogs, afraid of what could happen if she forgot to put up a baby gate or confused the rotation in the home.

So much stress and worry.

Also, Tammy lost trust in herself.

But, she held on to the hope she had burning inside of her.

When we worked together, Tammy was reminded about her own feelings and when she takes care of herself, she can take care of her dogs with more ease and freedom.

Tammy experienced another painful heartbreak of one of her dogs, Sam not doing well and Sam needed to be put down. Tammy found herself in a dark place again.

Tammy felt like she failed Sam and her heart shattered.

After a few long, dark months, but Tammy tapped into hope and she was able to recall the tools we worked on together. Tammy began “thinking again about how to visualize good places, where I could see myself and what I wanted, and what I could see the dogs doing and how to get myself there.”

Tammy has made daily choices to get herself there.

Tammy reports, her other dog Roy is doing much better. Roy now loves to play and takes voluntary naps (this is a huge win) and goes into his enrichment space on his own which is another milestone. Being a 125lbs German Shephered, Tammy was always looking for Roy to make the choice!

Tammy shared, “I really couldn’t have gotten here had you not given me hope. Looking back and seeing how really, really bad things were, makes me realize how fortunate I was to find you. I found the wind in the trees again. I found the joy.”

Tammy is also back to painting and she is inspired by Jonathan Livingston Seagull and shared this, “Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you’ll see the way to fly”.

You have everything you need already inside of you, are you ready to listen?

Channeling Discomfort into Action

I had an opportunity last week to take a class.

What I took away from the 4 day workshop was much more than what the facilitator presented.

As I stayed open to the experience, I felt the discomfort of being presented new information and how this pushed me to create new habits.

The class required not only passive learning, but also active participation of practicing the skills of the class in a group setting.

Not only was there practice, but there was also a requirement of performing the skills in front of others too.

The growth in learning, as I experienced it, was a physiological experience, not just what was inputted into my brain.

I felt acute stress as discomfort in my body. Nervousness about how well I would do or not do, worry about “what if I don’t pass” or the biggest one, “what if I mess up during the practical portion of the test?”

The last piece of “messing up” brought up waves of anticipation of embarrassment which often leads me to avoid potential “scary” situations.

My fear was kicking up and my body was going into fight or flight mode.

Even though this acute stress wasn’t endangering my life, my brain didn’t know that!

I recognized the energy showing up and I harnessed the energy into forward motion and using the stress to find the ways to use it in a productive way.

I leaned into where I felt the most challenged, I discovered an action step that I can take and I used the energy into staying focused on improving on the skill.

Remaining focused on my intention and being present to the experience allowed me the opportunity to improve. The feedback I received from one of the group members is that she told me, “you nailed it”.

Even though it was affirming to hear this from someone observing, I knew I nailed.

How can you lean into something you’re learning today and see what messages show up for you?

Lean In with Curiosity

Someone will come to me because they are uncomfortable with their dog growling and biting their guests and found using painful methods didn’t work.

In the beginning, the pet parent lost trust in their decision making and are feeling desperate for guidance. They feel powerless in what to do when their dog’s behavior was not what they expected.

Now, their self doubt creeps in and they want their dogs to stop barking, lunging and growling and they find someone who promises they can help and the issues with their dogs will be eliminated.

What’s offered to them is using tools that strangles their dogs or electrocutes them paralyzing the dog into submission.

In our culture, we are taught to believe in correction and punishment. There is a belief that blaming and shaming others rather than being empathetic and understanding motivates another being to do something.

Why is it so much easier for us to blame and shame others when something goes wrong?

Is it because the story we tell ourselves is that this being that is showing fear or rage is inappropriate and we desire to distance ourselves from what we perceive as wrong doing?

Emotions aren’t good or bad, they just are and when we can lean into what’s showing up and invite in the lessons the heavy emotions are showing us, can we learn on a deeper level of what’s needed.

What’s needed is love and kindness.

For one of my clients, she wanted to feel more in control.

What she discovered through our time together was how she found herself.

She let go of the belief that she needed to overpower others and instead, leaned into how another being is feeling and uncovered how her compassion can be healing to her rescue and herself.

She learned what safety meant to her and her dog.

The mutuality of what they both received opened up her heart to what’s possible and for her to learn that when she can trust her actions in how she addresses her dog’s behavior, she finds her freedom.

Freedom when guests come over.

Freedom in taking leisurely walks with her dog.

When you and your dog experience freedom and safety, the world is wide open to you!