Choosing Connection in Conflict

Do you ever feel like you are butting heads with your significant other, or close friend or even your furry companion?

The tendency to disconnect in conflict is tangible.

Disconnect bleeds into dischord and then it becomes us versus them.

In this mindset, conflict can drive a wedge between the two sides without repair, the gap grows larger and beliefs about being right take hold.

We begin to convince ourselves that its the other person or even our dog that is causing us so much pain and grief.

But, conflict doesn’t have to lead to distancing ourselves from those we love, including ourselves.

When we lean into love and invite in connection into conflict, we can heal the things that divide us.

When we are coming from a place of loving connection, we are more willing to communicate and receive feedback without judgment or ridicule.

Take a pause and embrace the ones you love that you may be struggling to find common ground.

Take a moment and ground yourself what your true desire is and create an expression of this feeling.

If you desire closeness with your dog, but your dog has a different agenda, then what will encourage your dog to seek you out?

If you find yourself at odds with a relationship at work, ask yourself, what do you need and see what shows up.

Conflict happens within us and all around us.

You can make the choice of how you want to handle it in your life and with the ones you love.

Which will you choose?

Letting My Body Lead Me-I’ve Found The Answer

Last week, I was completely overwhelmed.

I felt irritable and frustrated with my to do list and not knowing where to start.

Prioritizing my tasks felt like a chore because they all felt they needed to be done at once.

On top of that, I was being pulled to doing additional duties (which I volunteered for), regardless I felt burdened by taking on more responsibility.

As feelings of overwhelm waxed, my desire to do things that bring me joy and freedom waned.

This was a “normal” pattern I created for myself.

In my past, I would meet overwhelm with doing more and pushing through and saying yes to everything that seemed appealing.

Where that led me was waking up in the middle of the night with my brain swirling.

I was tired. When I felt tired, I didn’t have the energy to focus on my to do list. I didn’t have the energy to move.

My body was stagnant and my mind followed.

Change is possible and I made the choice to explore a different way because I learned how the body mind connection works.

I woke up earlier than I planned one morning, contemplating whether I go out for a run or set the snooze button.

That’s when the whisper said to me, what do I need for myself?

As I poked around that question, I began seeing how I can carve out space in my routine to give me more of what I needed and wanted.

Rather than being on autopilot to start my day, I started reading for a few minutes. I chose a book that appealed as an inspiration.

While the change in routine wasn’t the most comfortable, reading allowed me to slow down and absorb something which expanded my imagination.

Asking what overwhelm was trying to get across to me also helped to understand that while I can feel immovable, movement was what my body needed.

So I went out for my run.

What began happening for me is seeing when I create space for myself and honor what I know what I need, I’m able to feel more of a sense of relief from daily stress.

I’m able to connect in a more whole way with others.

I’ve rediscovered how much joy my dogs create with me everyday.

My Tuesday nights feel like Friday nights.

My creativity flows and my desire to cook is ignited.

Sleep comes effortlessly and I’m more rested than ever.

Stress is still there, but I have more capacity to handle what’s thrown at me because I take care of myself first.

Spread Your Wings

One of my clients shared an update with me about how things were going since we last worked together about a year ago.

Tammy loves to paint, but she lost interest after her dad died several years ago.

She felt broken and overwhelmed by the loss of her father.

Grief washed over her, at times paralyzing her.

After her dad passed away, she adopted a couple of German Shepherds

Tammy had German Shepherds growing up and loved them, but these two didn’t get a long and on top of Tammy’s grief, she also felt guilt and shame for her dogs not being the best of friends.

She read all the books, was in all the FB groups and spoke with professionals (some she learned didn’t align with her values and was led astray in how to teach them)

Things were getting progressively worse in her home. Tammy was afraid of her dogs, afraid of what could happen if she forgot to put up a baby gate or confused the rotation in the home.

So much stress and worry.

Also, Tammy lost trust in herself.

But, she held on to the hope she had burning inside of her.

When we worked together, Tammy was reminded about her own feelings and when she takes care of herself, she can take care of her dogs with more ease and freedom.

Tammy experienced another painful heartbreak of one of her dogs, Sam not doing well and Sam needed to be put down. Tammy found herself in a dark place again.

Tammy felt like she failed Sam and her heart shattered.

After a few long, dark months, but Tammy tapped into hope and she was able to recall the tools we worked on together. Tammy began “thinking again about how to visualize good places, where I could see myself and what I wanted, and what I could see the dogs doing and how to get myself there.”

Tammy has made daily choices to get herself there.

Tammy reports, her other dog Roy is doing much better. Roy now loves to play and takes voluntary naps (this is a huge win) and goes into his enrichment space on his own which is another milestone. Being a 125lbs German Shephered, Tammy was always looking for Roy to make the choice!

Tammy shared, “I really couldn’t have gotten here had you not given me hope. Looking back and seeing how really, really bad things were, makes me realize how fortunate I was to find you. I found the wind in the trees again. I found the joy.”

Tammy is also back to painting and she is inspired by Jonathan Livingston Seagull and shared this, “Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you’ll see the way to fly”.

You have everything you need already inside of you, are you ready to listen?