What motivates you to change something your dog is doing?

Is it because your dog is barking what seems like all the time?

Is it because your dog is lunging and growling at guests and other dogs and people while you’re walking by?

For my clients, their dog’s behavior is only part of the story.

All you wanted was to add a companion to your family and your family members to support you, collaborate with you, be accountable to how they also wanted to raise a dog with you.

But instead, they left you in the dust and on top of it, are upset with you about it being your dog having behavioral issues.

You want to give up!

Your motivation is waning because you feel let down and feeling lonely. You wanted your family to show up for you, but now you’re left doing it all. On your own. Once again.

What if your motivation is waning was because you see how what’s going on with your dog is more about seeing your value for teamwork and accountability isn’t shared with others in your family? What if the divide is more about how you and your partner have different ideas on how to address the concerns?

Being right versus doing what’s right for the dog causes you and your partner to butt heads.

You want to be heard and understood by those who care about you.

It is also a time when you may want to go back to what didn’t work because its easier than navigating heart to hearts with your family about how things need to change.

The change is how you all are not only showing up for your dog, but each other.

Maybe staying the same feels easier because you’re not even sure how you feel about what needs to be different. You just know something has got to give.

Taking action in a new direction one step at a time, may seem scary, but what lies on the other side is what you want.

Calmer home with your dogs.

Peace within your relationships with your family members.

Ultimately, speaking the same language with your partner and feeling you’re on the same page in how you make decisions is what your heart desires.

The motivation for change is less about what your dog is doing and more about what you want within the relationships you have in your life.

What do you want your life with your family and your companion animal to look and feel like?

The only thing you can control is what you choose to feel and do.

You can’t control another being whether its a person or even your companion animal.

Putting your energy into attempting to control how another being is acting is a misplacement of your energy.

Or a different way to look at it, is by focusing so much on what someone or something else is doing, you create frustration for yourself which only acts on you to try and control even more what someone or something else is doing.

It’s a cycle that never ends if you’re unwilling to change.

Instead, put your energy into things you can control like setting yourself, others and even your dog up for success.

In the de-escalation training I attended, the facilitator highlighted the importance of a “proactive environment”.

Yes, the training was focused on de-escalating people, particularly children, but the concept holds true for our dogs.

When multiple adults are inconsistent with the same child (different rules and varying expectations), this leads the child to feeling unsafe and confused which leads a child to make choices that are unsafe.

In child welfare world, this can look like a child running away, fighting, yelling or even shutting down.

The adults are left scratching their heads because they aren’t aware of the action they took and how it would impact the child.

Then the child is blamed for the behaviors.

The simplest way to prevent a child from expressing their fear is to help them feel safe and this can be done if all of the adults in this child’s life were consistent in the same messaging about rules and expectations.

Same goes for your dogs!

When you make the choice to use your energy into creating a “proactive environment” you are focused on your dog’s wellbeing and welfare rather than controlling how your dog behaves.

When you focus on setting your dog up for success, you’re prioritizing your dog feeling safe and having his needs met because you know doing this will help your dog make safe choices.

By being proactive, you accept your dog can make his choices within the boundaries you set up for him.

You’re no longer tied to the outcome of whether your dog barks, but rather you understand your dog feels overwhelmed and you want to help your dog feel differently about the situation.

You don’t want to feel limited or have your worth be based on your behavior, you are worthy and of value because you are you.

Our dogs deserve the same level of respect and understanding you want for yourself and your life.

What you put your energy into, you create more of, so make sure you choose wisely!