Choosing Wisely

The only thing you can control is what you choose to feel and do.

You can’t control another being whether its a person or even your companion animal.

Putting your energy into attempting to control how another being is acting is a misplacement of your energy.

Or a different way to look at it, is by focusing so much on what someone or something else is doing, you create frustration for yourself which only acts on you to try and control even more what someone or something else is doing.

It’s a cycle that never ends if you’re unwilling to change.

Instead, put your energy into things you can control like setting yourself, others and even your dog up for success.

In the de-escalation training I attended, the facilitator highlighted the importance of a “proactive environment”.

Yes, the training was focused on de-escalating people, particularly children, but the concept holds true for our dogs.

When multiple adults are inconsistent with the same child (different rules and varying expectations), this leads the child to feeling unsafe and confused which leads a child to make choices that are unsafe.

In child welfare world, this can look like a child running away, fighting, yelling or even shutting down.

The adults are left scratching their heads because they aren’t aware of the action they took and how it would impact the child.

Then the child is blamed for the behaviors.

The simplest way to prevent a child from expressing their fear is to help them feel safe and this can be done if all of the adults in this child’s life were consistent in the same messaging about rules and expectations.

Same goes for your dogs!

When you make the choice to use your energy into creating a “proactive environment” you are focused on your dog’s wellbeing and welfare rather than controlling how your dog behaves.

When you focus on setting your dog up for success, you’re prioritizing your dog feeling safe and having his needs met because you know doing this will help your dog make safe choices.

By being proactive, you accept your dog can make his choices within the boundaries you set up for him.

You’re no longer tied to the outcome of whether your dog barks, but rather you understand your dog feels overwhelmed and you want to help your dog feel differently about the situation.

You don’t want to feel limited or have your worth be based on your behavior, you are worthy and of value because you are you.

Our dogs deserve the same level of respect and understanding you want for yourself and your life.

What you put your energy into, you create more of, so make sure you choose wisely!

Simple Solution in Being Proactive

I participated in a 2 day training on how to de-escalate people.

The main concept the facilitator wanted us to walk away with was to be able to answer this question:

What leads people to escalate in the first place?

The short answer is basic needs aren’t met. The person feels disrespected. The person doesn’t feel safe.

The same goes for our dogs too.

In order for people and dogs to make thoughtful choices, we all need to feel their hunger and thirst satisfied, we all need to feel connected and included, we all need to have play and our interests align with things in our environment for our basic needs to be met.

Hangry, anyone??

We also need to feel our boundaries are respected and we’re seen and heard.

Recall a time when you wanted to talk with someone and the other person shut you down and silenced you?

Or how about your dog when you yell at your dog to stop barking and you’re only concerned about the noise rather than not responding to what is driving your dog to bark.

Like connection with you. Affection from you.

When a person or dog doesn’t feel safe or feel backed into a corner, there is huge potential for a dog or person to lash out and express themselves through rage and frustration.

What does this look like? Yelling, screaming and barking, fighting for both the person and the dog.

The antidote for escalation is having a proactive environment.

This creates a space preventing escalation in the first place.

When you’re working with people and their dogs, consider how you are considering their basic needs, showing and demonstrating respect and creating a safe space for them simultaneously.

When you’re desiring something different for your dog to do, make sure you’re keeping these principles in mind before, during and after a training scenario or session takes place.

Basic needs. Respect. Safety.

Stories

What stories you tell yourself about your family, friends or even your dogs?

Telling yourself stories about your expectations of how the interaction is going to go or predicting what someone is going to say or what your dog is going to do, robs you of living in the moment and responding to what is happening in the here and now.

These stories become beliefs about the world and when you’re unaware of how they impact your choice making, you’re no longer aware of your actions.

You’re on auto pilot.

Our minds rely on predictability for safety, but predicting what is to come prevents change.

Change for ourselves and for the others we encounter.

I relied heavily on predicting how a situation or how a person was going to react, because for the young me, it was steeped in surviving.

As an adult, the routine and strong tendency in predicting outcomes and anticipating what someone was going to say or do no longer worked.

It led me into feeling isolated and judgmental which kept me from connecting in a real way.

I would not pursue a particular path or feel confident in having a crucial conversation because I “knew how it was going to go” or “why bother, the other person doesn’t care”.

Even though my mind said they were true, in reality, they weren’t true and it was detrimental to my life in a big way.

I still believe my gremlins want what’s best for me, but I understand they don’t have the ability to take risks and extend trust in my capability or value my growth.

That’s ok. They don’t have to.

I trust myself to take action that I feel confident in taking and seeing what happens along the way.

What stories are you re evaluating and shedding this week?