Stress As A Motivator for Change-Your Choice

A previous client reached out to me for some guidance on how to help her dog have a successful greeting with a visiting family member.

She acknowledged her dog, Flaco has a harder time meeting men than women and the family member visiting is her dad.

This certainly created stress for Sandra. This was her comfort zone talking.

Sandra remained focused on being proactive and motivated to use the stress she felt about this new situation to set herself and Flaco up for success right from the start.

We discussed a game plan.

Sandra put the pieces together of how to have slow introductions, giving Flaco some space and of course how to bridge the divide of making her dad the best thing in Flaco’s eyes.

We also discussed roadblocks.

Roadblocks like what if the greeting takes longer than necessary? What if Flaco struggles with her dad staying with them?

Even though roadblocks and what other options you have available aren’t ideal, they do give the mind some relief when the gremlins come knocking.

The gremlins are there saying, “this won’t work”, “you won’t be successful” ect. By talking about roadblocks, this gives the mind some relief about what may go wrong, it also opens up space for the person to take action in the direction where they want to go.

Sandra’s action plan for Flaco was a success!

According to what Sandra shared about her game plan, she “made sure he was walked earlier in the day so well regulated (got his potty time in) and also fed him.

Her dog walker (who is well versed in force free approaches) came to take Sandra’s other dog for a walk. Sandra is well aware of how Hollyn becomes excited in new situations, so giving Flaco more of an opportunity to have a calmer greeting.

Sandra asked her dad (so lovely he followed her instructions), to stand still and sideways when Flaco came out. Flaco had an easy time meeting her dad and seemed to like him too.”

They hit a roadblock when Hollyn was reintroduced. Flaco became unsure about her dad.

Her dog walker swung into action and played Engage/Disengage in the kitchen with Flaco until he was more comfortable.”

Using the stress of doing something new by creating an action plan gives you an opportunity to grow and move through your comfort zone.

As you can see, there was a hiccup. The game plan accounted for a roadblock like this and they used their knowledge of the skills they practiced and put it to work when a less than ideal situation occurred.

Sure enough, Flaco and Sandra’s dad are buds!

Receiving support can help you achieve your goals. Set up your Discovery Call with me!

Healing Shame with Empathy and Kindness

I bristle at the question, “can you fix my dog?”

I recognized my resistance to that question prevented me from truly reaching the person in front of me.

“Can you fix my dog?” Implies that the dog is bad.

Shame is the belief that there is something wrong with the person or in this case, wrong with the person’s dog.

As I’ve shared in other posts, often we see the reflection of ourselves in what our dogs are doing. Rather than showing ourselves and our dogs kindness and compassion, we blame and shame our dogs for being dogs much like we may believe ourselves to be bad or unworthy.

As I leaned into my resistance instead of running away or avoiding it, I saw that there was much more underneath the surface than I realized.

There’s a tendency when a person experiences the sensations of shame is then to shift the blame on to someone else because shame feeds off of shame.

The person on the receiving end of the blame and shame feels less than because they don’t know “enough” or are made to feel they aren’t doing “enough”.

When a professional addresses the “fixing” mindset, they are bypassing what the person in front of them is feeling because they go straight into training, education or consultant mode.

When we move past empathizing with the felt experience of the person or client, we devalue the feelings of the client in front of us which only leads to constructing roadblocks and barriers preventing the client in understanding the emotional needs of the companion dog.

The person’s needs go unnoticed and this is reflected into the person not recognizing the needs of their dog.

Ultimately the client and their dog are left in their own suffering.

You don’t need to have had the same experience as your client to connect with the person in front of you. Neither of you need to have the same experience as their dog, and how could you!

We are all different, shaped by different lived experiences.

But, you can draw on and connect with the feelings of what another person or even a dog can experience.

We’ve all experienced feelings one way or another like despair, anguish, sadness, desperation, disappointment, frustration as well as also experiencing joy, peace, excitement, proud, optimistic in various moments of our lives.

You know how your body hurts and feels heavy when there is grief or loneliness.

You also know how light and energized when you’re feeling playful and excited about the day.

Empathy isn’t fixing what you or your dog is feeling.

Empathy is understanding and creating connection with another (professional to client so the client can empathize with their dog). It comes down to receiving empathy to your feelings, so you can better understand what your dog is going through and then taking heart centered action to guide your dog in changing his or her emotional responses so your dog can make the behavior changes from there.

Being able to empathize with your companion animal opens up space for you to experience vulnerability with another being that won’t judge your thoughts, but rather show you unconditional love which you can learn to do the same in return.

Love and connection is the antidote for shame.

Meeting the hardwired desire for connection with others (including our dogs) heals the human and animal bond.

Trust is born when you make a choice to show yourself compassion and kindness and extend the same to others which undoubtedly includes your dogs.

Curious about how support can help you with creating empathetic connections? Set up a time to chat with me!

Transformational Testimonial

If you’re on the fence wondering about how working with a professional who is aligned with your values can have a tremendous impact on your life, take a look at how one of my clients shared her experience. Her journey didn’t go as expected or perfectly, but she showed up and took each moment to understand herself, so she can show up for her dogs in an authentic way.

“I initially met with Katherine regarding a foster dog in my care. I wanted to address some basic training needs, but also because I had observed her having aggression toward other dogs.

“I experienced a great deal in working with Katherine. It was supportive and reflective. She challenged me to explore many creative ways to work with my dogs in a loving and supportive way to meet their needs. She also challenged me personally to explore my inner feelings, observations and reactions to the challenges I was facing. She built up my confidence and acknowledged the progress I was making in being a supportive caretaker for my dogs. She also provided knowledge and education into the language of dogs and how to work with them from their perspective. Overall, Katherine provided tools to add to my tool box to enhance the skills and understanding of not only my dogs but myself as well. It was an invaluable experience that I am very grateful for.

The biggest takeaway I received from working with Katherine was that my energy is a direct pathway to working with the dogs. Understanding my reactions and then working toward building the connection to communicate with the dogs for the behavior I desire.

I valued the most the way Katherine was so genuine and her insight into building awareness and connections. I appreciated the feedback during session and after each session she would recap that in a very detailed email. That was incredible.

I am just thankful for Katherine and her insight and guidance. It has been such an amazing experience for me in a personal way. It really is so much more than “dog training”. I really appreciate the holistic approach. I felt like Katherine spoke my language and I loved how she could reflect back what she was picking up on and could expand about what she saw. It was great. She would also provide resources and any relevant information. It was also very nice to have check ins so no matter where you were in the process it was very accessible to get support about challenges, but also simple questions that could be responded to in a very timely manner. Thank you, Katherine!” A.S.

If you’re curious about how you can transform your life with your dogs, let’s chat!