The Cost of Chasing Responsibility

The theme of responsibility is showing up constantly for me and the people I serve.

What does responsibility even mean to you?

Some of the commonalities of what others shared with me are things like:

“Doing all the things at once, so I can get to the next item on my to do list.”

“Sacrificing myself for others (kids, spouses, dogs, friends and family).”

“Doing what I was told or taught to do because it’s what everyone else expects me to do.”

Sacrifice looks like giving up on a dream.

It may also look like choosing a different job because the decision was made with the focus on money versus what would bring someone more joy, contentment, ease and freedom (I’m speaking from my previous personal experience here lol).

Or staying in a job for the money while it leaves you feeling burdened, frustrated, limited because you’re looking for safety and security (I’ve been here too lol).

Walking your dog because it is what everyone else is doing, but your dog doesn’t enjoy this and this leads you to becoming angry and resentful of your dog over and over again.

What all of this leaves you is experiencing pain in your body and heart.

You may experience digestion issues, shoulder pain, constant headaches, the feeling as though the energy is sucked right out of you.

You feel constant dread or resistance doing the things because you’re chasing after something that doesn’t feel right to you.

The paycheck is never enough, the dog isn’t behaving perfectly, there is no end to your workload or no relief in sight and your supervisor piles more on top of you. You missed attending a function because you have zero personal bandwidth to even make it there.

Then you’re led you into being flooded with guilt and shame.

Feelings of guilt and shame bring you right back to what you’re doing. Repeating the same things over again trying to prove how responsible you are to yourself, friends, family or the larger society.

My next question, how can you even achieve something when the goal posts always move, the goal isn’t tangible or it never leaves room for growth to happen?

What my clients get to receive from working with me is how they can choose to live more authentically.

One client described the contrast to responsibility is being brave.

For her, being brave looked and felt like:

Taking things slower.

Learning how to do something differently when something doesn’t work out perfectly.

Creating more ease and comfort for herself, her dogs, her kids by giving space for everyone to have more freedom to do things they want to be doing.

This looks like setting up doggie dens and play areas when she’s unable to actively supervise or when either the dogs or kids are becoming more rambunctious.

They can express themselves in a way that gives the other space to do the same.

This also gets to look like working in shorter and calmer interactions between her resident dogs when everyone is present and actively supervising them.

Presence is about observing body language, asking questions about how the interaction is going, what to look out for and to listening to their own body.

Being connected to oneself is listening to what their bodies are telling them and taking action when they feel the situation is no longer bringing them ease, comfort and peace.

My client’s family member did this beautifully. When she felt she and her dog received enough of what the interaction was designed to give them, she walked with her dog calmly into his doggie den and spent time with him foraging. She listened to herself and took action to bring her more of what she desires for herself and for what she wants her dog to receive too which is feeling relaxed.

If you’re curious about how BodyMind connection can serve you in how you show up for you, your dogs, your family or how it can transform your life, let’s chat!

There are other ways we can work together, check out the Community Connections Membership Group-we start on 14 January. Join Us!

Purposely Heart Centered

I remember as a young child, I would dive into tackling something new without minding the directions of how to play a game or put together a new toy.

When I struggled in figuring it out on my own, my dad would meet me with saying, “read the directions of how to play the game or put the toy together.”

His rules wasn’t how I inherently operate.

I chose to explore how to do something and figure it out while my dad looked to make things “easier” or minimizing frustration in finding a solution.

Maybe because he believed “he knew better”, he was in charge because of his role as a parent or he was passing down his life lessons and stories because he believed it was “the way.”

In his own way, my dad was guiding me in the way he would figure out a problem rather than seeing things from my perspective and my motivation.

I followed the road map he tried to provide me when it was right for me to do.

I asked him for guidance on how to fill out student loan documentation, he taught me how to open a bank account, but when it was time in pursuing my own professional goals, I followed my purpose.

I spent years of being an AmeriCorps volunteer and obtaining degrees in social work. My focus was on heart centered work which he didn’t understand at the time because in his eyes it wasn’t practical.

What I discovered for myself, my motivation for taking action was never about what a profession looked like. I value the connection of living compassionately and ethically with how I serve others. Creating a role for myself that gets to express this purpose rather than fitting myself into position description or expectations of others gives me freedom.

Each of you have your own internal compass informing you where to go and your purpose in life regardless of the lessons and stories from others who think they know better because of education, life experience, age or whatever else shaped the stories they live by day in and day out.

Their story isn’t yours and when you move from a place of how you get to live your life, what it gets to look like, how you raise children and even how you nurture your companion animals, you get to create a life you desire. You aren’t bound by the rules others follow.

Trusting your inner knowing rather than blindly following how others are trying to shape your experience allows space for you to grow and learn in a way that is aligned with your values.

By filtering the choices you get to make through your inner wisdom, you do come up with creative ways of living your life. When your choice doesn’t link up with what others say or do, doesn’t mean you’re wrong or it’s a problem.

Living a life in alignment with your values and how you design it to look like and feel like is solely up to you.

What do you want in your life? What does it get to look like for you? What do you prioritize? How can you live heart centered and grounded by your internal compass of the direction you get to take?

I have a few spots open for 1:1 support in January 2023!

The Ripples from Empowered Choices

Exciting news to share! I was invited to be on a podcast for Sol Health Yoga earlier this week to share about the offering I’ll be hosting there in January. (I’ll share the episode when its released).

The episode was a chance for me to share my reflections about how I moved into this space of integrating BodyMind Connection within the dog training/behavior space and beyond.

I’ll share some of the insights for you here.

Back in the day, Jack had some serious concerns like separation anxiety and barking and lunging at anything and everything and I needed a real and compassionate way to support him since we didn’t have any luck initially in finding a professional that shared my values.

Instead, I took the plunge and invested in myself in becoming a certified dog trainer

But, I quickly learned, this only got me so far. I needed more continuing education.

I was introduced to the Do No Harm Dog Training FB group from a mentor and as I lurked and learned about how to meet a dog’s needs, I realized how foundational this understanding is in any behavior change plan. I then became a moderator for this group in 2020.

It wasn’t until I was asked to do copy editing of the Do No No Harm Dog Training and Behavior Handbook that I became immersed in the content and passages where it discussed the emotional needs of our dogs.

My take away was how trust was vital and without it, nothing is possible.

A dog has to feel a connection with its person in order for the dog to “do the things” the person wanted. To take it a step further, a person has to feel a connection with their dog if their dog is going to feel calm, safe and relaxed.

It finally clicked for me and I can “see” how emotions drive behavior.

When I started observing Jack from the lens of what is his body experiences in those moments of calm and contrasted within those moments of frenzied barking and lunging, I connected with him in a way where it opened the door for me to have self reflection on what am I feeling?

What am I feeling when Jack is experiencing peace and calm and frantic barking and lunging at other dogs that pass by?

I recognized the symbiotic connection we have with one another and I also recognized where I lacked understanding of myself.

I reached out to a friend who is a BodyMind Coach and I shared how I wanted greater understanding of how my feelings drive my own behavior and to relearn to trust my inner knowing in how I show up in my life and within the relationships I care for which includes Jack and Bernie.

This started my journey of unraveling old patterns and beliefs and creating a newer version of myself which is more aligned with where I’m going.

As I wrapped up the coaching container with my own coach, my eyes opened in seeing the pain of those I was serving in their own struggle. I saw how the challenges they faced impacted not only the life with their dogs, but how the struggle with their dogs was a reflection of what was going on in other parts of their lives.

They shared how they didn’t feel confident to handle x behavior problem their dog was experiencing. They cycled through self doubt and shame over and over again which led them into retreating back to the old way of doing things which only kept them in a cycle of behavior patterns that didn’t work in the first place.

The commonalities were astounding.

So, I embarked on furthering my knowledge and expertise. I invested into a 12 month coaching certification program where I not only became more attuned to myself, but I recognized the power of presence and how connection with others can bring about amazing awarenesses for those I serve.

The individuals and families shared with me profound takeaways of our time together.

One client shared that when she learned about how her dogs are just seeking ways for their needs to be met just like she is, she saw this was the path to success.

Another client shared with me in our coaching conversation about significant losses of loved ones in her life which also included her dogs of years ago. She described how the pain and sadness of these losses interfered with how she’s showing up for her dogs in the here and now.

By re discovering herself, she gained more confidence. She is empowered in how she shows up and advocates for herself and her dogs and by doing the inner work, she experiences more joy and freedom.

Another client shared with me in a recent coaching session that by reflecting on various pieces of her life, she recognizes that what is showing up with her and her dogs isn’t separate or happening outside of the other things in her life. What is happening with her and her dogs is interconnected with all the other things going on and how creating flow in one area brings ease into another.

At the heart of this is connection to self. Awareness of how one is feeling. Attuned to their inner knowing. Living their life by following what feels right for them to do and how they want to show up in this world.

You are not split into pieces when things don’t go the way you want in one area of your life. You are whole and feeling your completeness during times of uncertainty allows you to find your way back to home, your way back to yourself and your inner peace.

So many options to connect with yourself and creating your own empowered choices!

I invite you to explore the options that are right for you!

Creating Empowering Choices 90 min in person workshop.

Find out about 1:1 Coaching or sign up for the Community Connections Monthly Group Membership