Tipping the Scales

Are you wanting compliance and obedience or do you want behavior change?

Just to be clear, they aren’t one and the same.

You may also be thinking that I’m only talking about dogs, but I’m also talking to you too.

If you’re unsure of what you want, that’s an ok place to be.

That’s because you’re feeling the pull in both directions of what matters to you.

Sometimes what we value is in conflict with one another and discovering what is your motivation in changing something in your life, is your first step.

When you are looking to make a change that is also includes the life of another being, you are no longer looking to make a choice based on what you desire, but also considering the other person or in this case, your dog too.

Uncovering what matters to you and your dog is no longer what you only want, but what you and your dog want together.

Connection, freedom, companionship and a loving bond.

Now, when you look back at the question of what do you want, compliance/obedience or behavior change, do you feel a shift of what matters to you?

Does the scale tip in one direction or another?

You may be feeling how out of balance the value of obedience and compliance is and how something greater is possible for you both.

If obedience and compliance is feeling less enticing, you are feeling into how the values of connection, freedom, companionship and a loving bond first and foremost and how these values aren’t born out of telling the other person or other being what to do and when to do it, so they perform.

You are opening yourself up to the possibility that your dog wants the same things as you do, but in a more dog friendly way.

You start making choices that consider how your dog feels alongside what you want your life to look like too.

Now, you want to know how to translate the value of companionship, connection, freedom and loving bond into motivation for you and your dog.

This is where the adventure begins!

You can set up a Discovery Call and explore how you want your life with your dog to feel like in 2024!

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone!

You’ve had dogs your whole life and now, your current dog is giving you a run for your money.

You feel helpless, so you believe that scouring the internet to find the answer will solve all your problems.

You then feel overwhelmed about all the possible solutions.

You begin joining different online academies and talk with multiple trainers to find the “fix” to your dog’s barking, growling and even aggression.

You believe there has to be an easy answer to solve this problem.

Buy the right tool, say something your dog understands at the right time, anything to get your dog to stop being “bad” because you can’t handle how it makes you feel.

Helpless.

We are taught that we have to have the right answer and do everything ourselves because that is what independent and self sufficient means.

Pull ourselves up by our bootstraps in every way possible.

What you start to recognize is that fact finding your way to a solution isn’t relieving your feeling of helplessness, but only exacerbating the intensity of your worry.

When helplessness leads you into a mental spiral of swirling thoughts of what if, seek out connection for support.

Connection with a knowledgeable and trusted guide who can walk with you on your journey in healing what troubles you and your dog.

Learn how your and your dog’s emotional pain and discomfort can also be the messengers that connection with your dog can be transformational for you both.

Feelings of helplessness and worry can be the signal to you that connection is what your intuition is needing.

Are you willing to hear those whispers?

Helpers Be Aware!

Do you feel the energy to “fix” whatever is going wrong for another person or your dog?

You believe fixing the problem would solve all of the issues.

The tightly held belief that fixing the problem would eliminate whatever is causing your friend or partner or even your dog heart ache and pain.

Your desire to help and ease the discomfort of who you want to help is a heart centered action.

But, fixing the problem is a one-way approach focused on what the issue is bringing up for the person who is trying to help and not actually helping the other person or animal in need.

The desire to “fix” is because there is something triggering for the person who then responds by approaching the problem with advice, guidance or knowing the answers.

By giving advice and coming up with solutions, this doesn’t consider the other person or dog’s point of view or their agency that they also have answers for themselves.

When the righting reflex is activated it compels the “helper” to take control because the person who is suffering appears to be “helpless” “lost” or “fragile”.

The “righting reflex” is the natural response to fix another person’s problem or issue (Miller, Rollnick 2013).

https://www.aspenpsychologyservices.co.uk/blog/the-righting-reflex-its-dangers-and-how-we-can-avoid-it

Heart centered people want to help, but not being aware of one’s own “righting reflex” can make the other person or your dog’s problem more about you.

That’s the opposite of what you want to do.

The way to really connect with your friend, family member, client or even your dog is not from a fix it mindset, but rather from your own awareness of this natural tendency and then truly showing up in the energy of getting into the other’s shoes or paws or both!

How?

Reflectively reframe how the person or dog is feeling.

Actively listen to what is being said (body language is communication) and what the other person or dogs value.

Reflect back to the person in their words what he or she said. For dogs, understand how the dog feels and advocate for their best interest.

Co-create solutions together.