Radical Acceptance

Radical Acceptance.

A powerful 2 word combo which one of my clients shared with me during their program wrap up session with me.

According to Marsha Linehan, the creator of Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT), “radical acceptance rests on letting go of the illusion of control and a willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now, without judging.”

What she shared with me in her reflections about what she learned over the course of the last few months working with me, my client said she tried to control all the things in her life from what her dogs may potentially do, to how friends and colleagues perceive her to worrying about what will happen if she doesn’t do x thing(s).

She felt imprisoned by the circumstances of her life. She desired peace and freedom.

She recognized she had specific goals in mind when she first started, but as she moved through the journey, she recognized how life took detours.

Things didn’t evolve as she expected in the beginning.

Fear stopped her in her tracks.

Resistance was the wall blocking her from her own transformation.

What resided on the other side of that wall was peace, ease and freedom.

Fear whispered in her ear, you don’t want that because it will take work, it will require you to do things differently and you have no time.

Her desire for peace and freedom grew, she leaned into the resistance and found that staying in the fear created her suffering.

She also uncovered for herself by leaning into the resistance is how powerful she really is.

She acknowledged fear exists, but rather than giving into it, she took action in spite of it because the suffering in the resistance to change was no longer bearable.

Her confidence grew out of her trust that she can recover and by reminding herself of her purpose.

When I asked her about roadblocks as she progressed, she said her daily practice of centering herself will help her to stay present so she can respond to anything life throws at her with confidence, grace and ease.

She recognizes how there will still be painful experiences in life, but by having radical acceptance and letting go of control, she created her own freedom and peace in her life.

You get to do this too!

Are you willing to let go and step out of fear and break down your wall of resistance?

Let’s chat!

Cherish the Little Moments Too

Cherish every moment.

When Jack rolled into our home and our lives, he peed on the wall and set up his spot on the back of the couch (it’s still his spot).

He and I struggled on how to help him feel comfortable being alone (this took months for him to heal).

We moved 5-6 times in his life and this included overseas moves.

Jack learned how to adjust to our work, travel and life schedules.

He’s learned how to make different choices when he sees other dogs and trucks he doesn’t like.

There are times he still barks and looses his mind (sorry delivery people!)

He and I learned so much together and I’m grateful to this little guy for being my teacher just as I was one to him.

The mutuality of our relationship is what the made the difference.

It was never about what Jack did.

It was never about how much Jack obeyed or didn’t.

What matters is the love we have for one another.

Jack will be 13years old next month.

His body hurts a little more, I’ll continue honoring who he is and caring for him in whatever that looks because I love him first and foremost.

Jack was never a means to an end.

Jack is a whole being and always has been.

Make the choices that help your dogs be successful in feeling better in their own skin.

That’s the least we can do for them.

The Ease in Doing

Do you make it harder, more complicated and then you become confused about what to do to help your dog?

Make it easier on you and your dog.

When you observe your dog having a hard time in a given situation(s), take a few steps back and reevaluate.

If the hard time is hearing outside noises, play some music inside.

Identify what noises that are troubling to your dog and pair them with something your dog loves when you’re able to.

When you can’t, play the music.

When your dog has a hard time seeing another dog on a walk and this creates tension and frustration within you, then go somewhere more secluded even if its your backyard to practice, play or run around with your dog off leash.

If you don’t have a backyard, you can do the same at a sniffspot location!

Then take the steps to practice pairing the experience at a low rate of exposure (really far away, limited time ect) and pair this experience with something your dog loves.

This will start changing your dog’s mind about the experience and it will help lay the groundwork for a new habit.

All behavior change is is your dog doing something differently.

You’re not erasing, stopping, fixing, breaking ect.

You’re just offering up an opportunity to a different solution.

It truly is that simple.

When you start unraveling the patterns of what gets in the way of making things easier on you and your dog, then you will uncover more about yourself and you’ll experience more joy in spending time with your dog in return.

Discover for yourself what’s possible.