Phenix Advocacy Center’s Next Talk!

Losses That Don’t Get Flowers: Disenfranchised Grief in Animal Care

a Let’s Get Real conversation sponsored by the Phenix Advocacy Center (PAC)

Hosted by Colleen Pelar with special guest, Melissa Trevathan-Minnis, PhD

Monday, October 27, 2025, at 12:00 pm Eastern via Zoom

Cost: $10 (donation to the non-profit PAC)

Join us for a conversation about the grief that doesn’t get acknowledged—the kind that comes with saying goodbye to animals you’ve known for years, euthanizing animals you’ve cared for, or carrying the emotional weight of decisions that happen behind the scenes.

This is disenfranchised grief: loss that’s real and painful, but that the world around you doesn’t recognize or validate. For those of us in animal care, these unwitnessed losses can accumulate quietly, leaving us feeling isolated or wondering why we can’t stop thinking about a situation that occurred months ago. 

In this discussion, we’ll explore why these losses matter, how they affect us differently than grief that gets seen and supported, and most important, how to honor them in ways that actually help. Whether you’re carrying fresh grief or old grief that never quite got processed, this is a space where your feelings make sense and your losses count.

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You must join this chat live – recordings will not be shared as our topics are often sensitive. 

Once you have made your $25 donation, we will email you the Zoom link for this event. 

Thank you for supporting the PAC! We are advocates for R+ canine professionals. 

Disclaimer:  This PAC-sponsored event is for educational purposes only. If you are in need of professional help from a qualified mental health professional, please visit the resource section of our PAC website: www.phenixadvocacycenter.org/resources

Choosing Wisely

“The moment in front of you is not bothering you. You are bothering yourself about the moment that is in front of you.” Michael Singer

When something happens like your dog barking or pulling on the leash, you feel angry and frustrated.

Your perception about that moment of the barking or pulling is what colors the experience.

You are making yourself angry and frustrated. You are labeling the experience as bad or things aren’t perfect or you don’t have time for this.

Then you yell at your dog for vocalizing or you yank on the leash because you tell yourself you can’t handle what’s happening with your dog.

What is showing up in these situations is your own fear.

Fear of not being good enough about keeping your dog safe.

Fear of not being perfect in having a “bomb proof” dog.

Fear of what others are going to say about you and how others perceive you.

Your mind is very powerful, but your mind isn’t so powerful you lose your ability to choose.

You can choose to handle the situation and look at what’s happening inside of you when the world presents a moment you’re saying is bad or terrible or you want to run and hide.

Take the moment and take a conscious breath.

Breathe in and feel the breath travel through you.

Exhale and take a moment and feel the breath leave your body.

Repeat.

See if you can observe the thoughts that come up and learn to let them go.

The only way for your body to let go of past hurts or pain is to allow the sensations to pass through you.

Allow yourself to feel.

Observe the sensations.

Remain present.

This moment is the only moment that matters and it will go by in an instant.

Choose wisely.

Compassionate Self

Normalize failing or making mistakes as part of your journey rather than labeling yourself or someone else (dog included) as being bad.

Our culture is fixated on success and achievement and moving on to the next that we make every effort to avoid the opportunity of learning within lesson of not getting the thing right.

Whatever “the thing” you deemed as the goal or outcome is not the source of your happiness.

Discovering the peace that’s already inside of you when you live fully present in each moment is available to you.

It’s up to you to be brave and be curious to what each day’s lessons are trying to show you.

You can start by not shaming yourself or others (dog included) when something doesn’t go as planned or mistakes happen.

Learn to flow with what is!