Attachment to Outcome No Longer Serves You

The way things are going are no longer working.

You’re exhausted from doing the same thing every day and expecting a different result.

This is creating havoc and frustration in your life and you can no longer ignore it.

The push to change is palpable.

You start to see you’re so far away from where you want to be and now the pull to seek out a new way of doing things is evident.

You recognize making the choice to change creates a bit of excitement within you.

The catalyst to change is feeling the push in expanding your awareness of yourself and gaining knowledge of how to get yourself to the next level.

Embarking on a new journey, especially when you’re learning how to do things in new way is also scary.

Self doubt simmers underneath the surface. You question if you can do it.

You question your own capability of what is possible.

You’re brave and take the next step towards your own transformation.

Putting yourself out there exposes your own vulnerabilities. Your growth edge is exposed.
�You become so laser focused on the end result because fear of the unknown creeps in leading you down a rabbit hole of self doubt about whether you’re capable to do the thing settles over you when you judge things as not going as planned.

You hold on to the end result with a tight fist, but when the experience doesn’t fit nicely into how you perceive the outcome to be, this feeling of control becomes your self imposed prison.

The more you attach yourself to the outcome, you lose your way and lose sight of what you’re already achieving.

Transformation isn’t about the outcome.

Transformation is how you make the choice to experience what you’re learning and gaining as you continue down your own path and taking action based on the information you’re mind and body are receiving from the action.

I was working with a client recently and she was sharing how she wanted her dogs to walk with her on a leash and to how she wanted her dog to check in with her.

While we were outside working on leash walking, I noticed how her dog took a few steps along with her, by her side.

I exclaimed, “Did you see that!”

She said, “What?”

I then shared how Patty was walking alongside her a few steps and my client shared she didn’t notice.

By not remaining consciously aware of what you’re working on, of course you’re not able to see what’s happening right in front of you.

But, you’re awareness of what you’re doing and taking action on is where the magic happens.

This is how you can actually observe what you’re achieving!

Another client was struggling for a long time with some major biting behavior in the home.

He’s been wanting a connection with his dog that is relaxed and of course without a lot of biting.

In the midst of him sharing about all the problems he’s been facing and how the last week was tough with an increase in biting and jumping, I pointed out his dog was settled on the ground in the living room, away from him and happily chomping on a toy.

I pointed out how his dog was actually doing what he wanted.

But, in the midst of all the moments judged as bad, a problem or just all wrong, the good was there, but it didn’t exist in that client’s reality because the overwhelm of the problem filled that space.

Rather than judging things as all good or all bad based on how you perceive the outcome to be, instead see what you’re observing is information.

Information feeding into how you proceed. How you adjust what you’re doing. How you take the next step.

When you release your death grip on the outcome, remain consciously aware of what is going on in the moment, here is where you can adjust how you proceed by the information you’re receiving.

The goal is achieved by the small action steps you take and they may show up in the smallest of ways.

Be ready to receive.

Be ready to celebrate.

Without your awareness of what you’re already achieving, you lose sight of where you’re going.

Lighten Your Load

What weighs you down?

Other people’s expectations of what you should be doing, how you should be acting, how you spend your time and energy?

Maybe even how your dog should be behaving.

A good friend of mine explained it this way.

Each of your worries are bricks. The weight of one is easy to handle, but when you combine all of your worries and doubts into a pile, the weight of each brick is amplified together.

Not only do the bricks exist and are in a nice neat pile, but everyday, you fill up your backpack with these bricks and carry them around with you all day, everyday.

When you fill your backpack with these worries and your dog starts practicing behaviors you would rather live life without like

Barking out of boredom.

Escaping from your yard.

Stealing socks, underwear or even your kids toys.

Your dog becomes another brick to add to the pile.

Your dog didn’t choose to live with you, but you brought your dog into your home and wanted to share a life with him.

When you allow judgements and expectations to consume you, you have no more room in your life to create a loving bond with your dog. Your dog becomes another thing to worry about too.

Inertia creeps in.

Fear takes over.

Believing that the tighter you hold on to your worries will give you a sense of control, but all it does is limits what you can accomplish.

Now, what if you make a choice of prioritizing the bricks you carry with you?

That’s right, you have choice of where you give a piece of your mental real estate.

You can leave the pile outside and take the ones you want and switch them out.

Which ones do you value the most?

These are the bricks to prioritize.

Reconnect with your “why”.

Why did you adopt your dog?

For companionship?

Provide a better life for your friend?

Shifting your perspective from what your dog can do for you, to what you can do for your dog will open your world.

When your dog flourishes, you flourish too.

Meeting your dog’s needs for bonding, trust and love, your dog will not be finding ways to meet this need on his own which may be a source of your stress.

When you can allocate time to play, teach and celebrate what your dog is already doing that you want more of, the worries about your dog’s behavior will not make it into your backpack.

You’ve made room for other things in your life, you’ve alleviated one of headaches and replaced it with joy, harmony and kindness.

Make a change to how you spend your life with your dog.

You’ll achieve greater self satisfaction, connection and most of all you will receive the greatest gift of all, unconditional love from your best friend, your dog.

Want to learn how to change old pattern of behaviors?

Set up your Discovery Call with me

Get Started

Leaning into Discomfort

It’s hard to see the forest through the trees.

When we are so caught up in the everyday to do list and checking off boxes and the minuet, we loose sight of ourselves and fail to see solutions.

Our routines chug along. Routine saves energy, but also keeps us from expanding ourselves.

You’ve been giving your time and energy to all the things, but you’ve been neglecting your own feelings about where you’re life is going, but you don’t have the awareness yet to see where you begin.

Until one day, you had it. You’re walking your dog and your dog explodes at the same dog at the same house at the same time, but today is different.

You explode too. The frustration bubbles over and the discomfort of this experience drives you to make a choice to seek help.

You’re ready to change.

You want your life to look and feel different.

This motivation is crucial to you moving forward.

Taking the first step in contacting a do no harm dog trainer and coach, is the first step towards reaching your goal.

What sometimes we forget or maybe don’t realize is how change isn’t all at once, especially as you teach your dog life skills.

Also, it isn’t just about your dog learning the life skills either.

Change leads you to your own personal growth.

Growth pushes up against your comfort zone again and again.

Leaving you feeling discomfort.

Experiencing discomfort is normal when you’re in a season of growth. Feel it. Experience it. Don’t cause other people or your companion animals pain or hurt because you’re feeling pain.

The only way to get to the otherside is through experiencing your own discomfort.

Discomfort comes from switching up your routine with your dog, getting clear on what matters to you which is helping your dog learn to change his or her emotional responses to all the things, but discomfort also comes from your growth too.

As Glennon Doyle says, “you can do hard things”, you can show up for yourself in a new way, open to explore a new version of yourself and allow yourself to experience the uncomfortable feelings surrounding how you’re changing your life with your dog.

Becoming more aware change leads to growth and discomfort happens in the space between. By being more aware, you can put things into place where you take care of yourself too.

  1. Acknowledge your discomfort rather than hiding from it. This may be recognizing I can’t do this by myself. This is a powerful step towards personal transformation. When you can feel you need support, you’re already empowering yourself in taking action when you choose a professional who shares your values.
  2. When you’re ready to take the next step in seeking help, make sure to connect with your values when choosing a professional. You love your dog and when you know in your gut love shouldn’t hurt, you’ll choose a pet professional wisely.
  3. Sometimes you’re dealing with heavy behavior concerns and your worries get you spiraling. Make sure to take time to rest. Every moment of every day focused on teaching your dog what you want will take its toll. Carve out time to take a break away for other things you can enjoy, so you can also reconnect with yourself. This will be rejuvenating to you and your dog will notice how relaxed you are too.
  4. Celebrate your wins. We sometimes suffer from “success amnesia”. This is where we are so hyper focused on getting to an end point, we forget to celebrate the small wins that occur along the way. The wins are necessary all the success in what our dogs are accomplishing, but the wins are also what you learn from the setbacks, challenges and how you adapt in those moments. Choosing to see the “failures” as your growth edge, you achieve so much more.

Getting clear on your goals spills over into how you can have a more joyous life with your dog.

Learn More