Seeing What Happens When You Make Choices that Expand on What You Want Rather than What Others Expect from You

You feel like you don’t have time for yourself.

You expend your free time saying “yes” to others leading you to over extend yourself and leaving you depleted.

You feel frustrated when you come to the end of your weekend and you don’t have any more energy or time to do things you want to do for yourself let alone for your family.

Now, your dog is needing you too, but you feel like you don’t have any more to give.

You see your dog’s “behavior issues” like jumping up, whining, pacing more as a nuisance and just another thing to do.

You just want to scream!

When you’re willing to make changes in your life, you receive support in ways you didn’t know existed.

You find out that you can give yourself permission in doing things differently.

You recognize your truth and you can make the choice in doing things differently.

You live from a place of freedom, not from other people’s expectation.

When you activate your action steps from how you want to feel, your world expands.

One coaching client shared this with me the other day.

She felt overwhelmed by her dog’s behavior concerns because she was over extended in social and professional relationships and didn’t have any more to give.

When she realized her own power in how she can use her time in a manner which feeds into feeling a sense of freedom, she now sees how her dog’s needs matter.

When she shifted her mindset based on how she wants to feel confident in knowing how to help her dog and for her to dog to feel relaxed and safe, she feels more connected with her companion.

In one situation, she mentioned she used to become frustrated with her dog being underfoot in the kitchen and demanding her dog to get out.

Repeatedly saying “NO!”

Now on her path of changing patterns, she asks her dog to find a chewy (she recognized how she already taught her dog to do this).

Her dog responds by getting a chewy and goes into another room and entertains herself when my client is cooking dinner for her family.

After dinner, they spend time together playing some games and cuddling on the couch.

The simplest of actions saves her and her dog a ton of frustration and expands their capability to connect. Learning how to replenish my client’s emotional well starts with making choices which puts how she wants to feel front and center.

If something doesn’t align in this way, then she has the freedom to say “NO” to obligations that don’t serve her.

She’s finding the freedom in her life when she gives herself permission to prioritize what she wants versus what others expect from her.

You can get started on your journey too.

Set up a call with me!

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The Most Dangerous Phrase in the English Language is…..

Old school dog training uses the word commands when discussing basic skills like sit, stay, wait ect.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, the word command means:

“Authoritative order”

“Control, restrain over”

“Dominate”

And the understanding of commands is related back to military uses of the word and how command is operationally defined.

When you read these definitions, how do you feel?

What comes up for your when you hear or read the word command?

For me, I feel constricted and see it as a top down approach.

It denotes an all or nothing mentality.

It evokes the need to micromanage.

Going one step further, when the “command” isn’t followed, what happens next?

Pain in order to get compliance, that’s what happens next.

Now, how does that feel to you?

Commands aren’t about freedom for you or your dog.

Your expectations get wrapped up in what your dog does and when that doesn’t happen because it will, you become frustrated and you’re tied up in the outcome.

You begin to constrict more and more of your dog’s freedom because of the failure of compliance and you also micromanage yourself too.

What if you considered shifting the word choice to something like cue, signal or ask to expand your perspective.

Just because it’s always been done this way, doesn’t mean you have to be boxed into doing it too.

According to Mark Cuban, “Wherever I see people doing something the way it’s always been done, the way it’s ‘supposed’ to be done, following the same old trends, well, that’s just a big red flag to me to go look somewhere else.”

Changing the word you used gives you choice because you recognize you don’t have to do things that have been part of the dog training culture.

The impact you have when you can make a different choice is clear.

Freedom comes from choosing differently based on what you value and what you want more of in your life with your dog.

The simplicity of choosing a different way to describe what you’re wanting your dog to do is no longer about control, but bringing the power back to you of what you want to achieve.

When you make a change in choosing a different word to describe what you are doing and teaching, you start creating more freedom in your life.

Granting choice and guiding your dog to make the choice that is the safest and the most pleasurable for both of you creates the space for you to:

Enjoy daily walks.

Entertain friends and family at your house.

Feeling secure your dog is safe when he is left home alone.

Taking the simplest of action towards what you want, you start changing your life and you and your dog receive much more than just learning what a word means.

You start experiencing the joy of building a relationship with your companion.

Are you willing to try something new?

Stillness

Are you doing all the things trying to make your dog happy, but you’re still finding yourself frustrated by your dog’s biting and jumping?

You find yourself pouring all of your free time into specialized dog training groups on social media.

You’ve bought the latest and greatest books on dog training trying to find the answers to how to help your dog, but you feel like you’re a spinning top with no end in sight.

You’re sucked into watching dog training videos which is leading you into a spiraling down into the depths of your self doubt and despair.

The thoughts get louder that you “can’t do this.”

You’re walking around with your shoulders up to your ears, your brow furrowed and you loose out on sleep because you’re constantly worried about your dog’s wellbeing.

Your worry grows stronger as the days go on.

You exhausted from your wheels spinning, but you push yourself to keep going.

Why?

Maybe you don’t know what else to do.

You realize you haven’t taken a break to chat with a friend or do those things you find pleasure in doing.

Maybe you believe switching gears, slowing down or just taking a break isn’t going to help you reach your goals.

You’re hitting your breaking point and you acknowledge to yourself, you need relief from the struggle.

Stillness is your outlet to calm your central nervous system without checking out or numbing to what you’re going through.

Stillness allows your body to relax and get to a place of calm quiet even when life is going on around you.

Breathing deeply can lower your heart rate and settle your nerves.

Here are a few “go to’s” my clients created for themselves.

🎊Schedule social media time. This gives you freedom in doing all the scrolling you want during the hours of X and Y. This also help you not go into the black hole of any social media platform.

🎊Prioritize what social media groups you find are beneficial to you and get rid of the rest. Flooding your brain with information can lead you to what one client shared with me as “analysis paralysis.” Seeking all of the information can lead you to not taking action at all.

🎊Walk barefoot. Connecting your feet to the ground beneath you can ease the swirling thoughts of your mind.
Listen to the sounds of nature and allow for what shows up for you. You have the answers already, creating space for them to show up will help you reach your goal.

What happens when you create stillness for yourself, you also create stillness for your dog.

You begin offering activities your dog can do on his or her own when you take time for yourself.

You observe your dog settling more around your house.

By taking a step back from being the only source of entertainment for your dog, your dog has more opportunity to make choices for himself too.

Your dog starts making choices to entertain himself by going to the toy box on his own and making choices of grabbing a toy or finding a chewy along the way.

As you cultivate a feeling of calm for yourself, your dog starts feeling similarity and makes the choice to do those things that bring him more of the same too.

Take 5 minutes for yourself and see how it can rejuvenate you and your dog and create ease between you and your companion.