The Student Becoming the Teacher and Back Again

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

I find myself in both sides of this statement in my relationship with Jack.

As the student, learning about Jack’s needs and how to best meet them set me up in becoming the teacher he needed.

10 years ago, when we moved back stateside, I didn’t know it at the time, but being jobless and facing my husband’s next deployment, gave me the space in exploring a new side of myself.

Space was certainly not what I would say I had, in fact, I would say I was experiencing loss.

Grieving my dad’s death.

Grieving the lack of an employed position I cared about and felt passionate in pursuing.

Even starting my trauma healing journey which also led me into the grip of grief.

Simultaneously, I also recognized in myself, I desired to help Jack in addressing separation anxiety.

This is when I began my own transformation of moving from seeing this new chapter as a place of lack and loss into taking the time in front of me and using it for my own inner work and learning.

Jack happened to be my catalyst for change.

I chose to use this time in learning how I can be the teacher Jack needed.

Instead of seeing all the negative behavior, I made the choice in seeing everything he was doing well.

This was a light bulb moment for me.

I recognized my own power in choosing how I wanted to see the world and how I interpreted Jack’s behavior.

The time at home not working allowed me to create some time away from Jack without even going anywhere.

I was able to capture calmness on the regular and with time he was encouraged him to make the choice in spending time away from me.

He made the choice to no longer follow me around, no longer checking on me if I wasn’t in the same room with him for more than 5 minutes.

I started seeing how capturing him being settled around our home and settled his nerves.

I also had the space in spending more quality time with him.

By building a bond and establishing a secure attachment with him, he started trusting I wasn’t going to abandon him.

This last piece made the difference.

The bond we formed and maintained through exercise, positively recognizing him when he was relaxed and settled, playing games with him, enrichment car rides and play dates at a force free daycare shifted everything for us.

By the time my husband returned from deployment 9 months later, Jack was more comfortable being home without us, he was developing life skills when we saw the evil UPS truck LOL and we navigated around sticky situations which usually created unbearable tension for Jack.

Because of our bond, he’s achieved feats I never dreamed of like living in a hotel for 2 months during our recently PCS back stateside, he’s more comfortable greeting people on the street, experiencing dogs behind fences and seeing them across the road and even moving through a military gate and having our ID’s checked.

Jack as the student, Jack learned to trust me, because I taught him it was safe for him to do so.

Our bond transformed my life too.

We are full circle back at me becoming the student as Jack is teaching me what he needs as his age advances and his needs change.

This wouldn’t be possible if I didn’t make the choice 10 years ago to change how I felt about my circumstances.

Feeling the space between loss allowed me to see opportunity when I thought all doors were closed.

Are you willing to try something new and desire to transform your life?

Guide Your Dog and Experience What Is Possible

You’re only experience with dog training is what everyone else is doing around you.

What you observe in how traditional methods are used and relied upon, it makes you uneasy and it’s misaligned with your values.

You don’t see how pain and punishment has any role in teaching and guiding.

You want something different.

You’re skeptical, but you’re also willing to try it out.

As you move through your training program with me, you deepen your awareness of how strengthening the relationship between you and your dog leads you into exploring opportunities to have an integrated life with your dog.

You experience the freedom of having the world at your feet and at your dog’s paws.

You can make choices to travel and bring your dog with you, you can observe how the investment of time and energy you committed to in teaching your dog how to make choices allows your dog to build confidence, feel relaxed and to seek you out in times of uncertainty.

Wendy and her family followed their values and chose a dog friendly way of training.

What culminated for Cooper and his family is the first of many successful camping trips.

Alongside what Cooper achieved, she and her partner became citizen scientists in the experience.

During their recent camping trip, Wendy shared, “The dogs who were most reactive, are the ones wearing shock and martingale collars. Who were yelled at as soon as they made any noise. Surprisingly (to her not me lol), Cooper was the one who barked the least at other dogs and he was the only one not being yelled at or forced down into a lay.”

Wendy goes on to say, “I feel like he had more freedom. He chose when to stop barking. He wasn’t forced to sit or lay (which is weird that this was a tactic). So I can visibly see how force free training was better method for Cooper.”

When you allow your dog to make choices that you’ve spent time reinforcing, you too can experience a freedom from micromanaging and feeling a need to control what your dog is doing.

Instead, you and your dog feel connected and your dog trusts he or she will be and stay safe and this gives your dog the freedom to choose.

Find out how building a relationship with your dog can give you both more freedom.

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Seeing What Happens When You Make Choices that Expand on What You Want Rather than What Others Expect from You

You feel like you don’t have time for yourself.

You expend your free time saying “yes” to others leading you to over extend yourself and leaving you depleted.

You feel frustrated when you come to the end of your weekend and you don’t have any more energy or time to do things you want to do for yourself let alone for your family.

Now, your dog is needing you too, but you feel like you don’t have any more to give.

You see your dog’s “behavior issues” like jumping up, whining, pacing more as a nuisance and just another thing to do.

You just want to scream!

When you’re willing to make changes in your life, you receive support in ways you didn’t know existed.

You find out that you can give yourself permission in doing things differently.

You recognize your truth and you can make the choice in doing things differently.

You live from a place of freedom, not from other people’s expectation.

When you activate your action steps from how you want to feel, your world expands.

One coaching client shared this with me the other day.

She felt overwhelmed by her dog’s behavior concerns because she was over extended in social and professional relationships and didn’t have any more to give.

When she realized her own power in how she can use her time in a manner which feeds into feeling a sense of freedom, she now sees how her dog’s needs matter.

When she shifted her mindset based on how she wants to feel confident in knowing how to help her dog and for her to dog to feel relaxed and safe, she feels more connected with her companion.

In one situation, she mentioned she used to become frustrated with her dog being underfoot in the kitchen and demanding her dog to get out.

Repeatedly saying “NO!”

Now on her path of changing patterns, she asks her dog to find a chewy (she recognized how she already taught her dog to do this).

Her dog responds by getting a chewy and goes into another room and entertains herself when my client is cooking dinner for her family.

After dinner, they spend time together playing some games and cuddling on the couch.

The simplest of actions saves her and her dog a ton of frustration and expands their capability to connect. Learning how to replenish my client’s emotional well starts with making choices which puts how she wants to feel front and center.

If something doesn’t align in this way, then she has the freedom to say “NO” to obligations that don’t serve her.

She’s finding the freedom in her life when she gives herself permission to prioritize what she wants versus what others expect from her.

You can get started on your journey too.

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