The Most Dangerous Phrase in the English Language is…..

Old school dog training uses the word commands when discussing basic skills like sit, stay, wait ect.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, the word command means:

“Authoritative order”

“Control, restrain over”

“Dominate”

And the understanding of commands is related back to military uses of the word and how command is operationally defined.

When you read these definitions, how do you feel?

What comes up for your when you hear or read the word command?

For me, I feel constricted and see it as a top down approach.

It denotes an all or nothing mentality.

It evokes the need to micromanage.

Going one step further, when the “command” isn’t followed, what happens next?

Pain in order to get compliance, that’s what happens next.

Now, how does that feel to you?

Commands aren’t about freedom for you or your dog.

Your expectations get wrapped up in what your dog does and when that doesn’t happen because it will, you become frustrated and you’re tied up in the outcome.

You begin to constrict more and more of your dog’s freedom because of the failure of compliance and you also micromanage yourself too.

What if you considered shifting the word choice to something like cue, signal or ask to expand your perspective.

Just because it’s always been done this way, doesn’t mean you have to be boxed into doing it too.

According to Mark Cuban, “Wherever I see people doing something the way it’s always been done, the way it’s ‘supposed’ to be done, following the same old trends, well, that’s just a big red flag to me to go look somewhere else.”

Changing the word you used gives you choice because you recognize you don’t have to do things that have been part of the dog training culture.

The impact you have when you can make a different choice is clear.

Freedom comes from choosing differently based on what you value and what you want more of in your life with your dog.

The simplicity of choosing a different way to describe what you’re wanting your dog to do is no longer about control, but bringing the power back to you of what you want to achieve.

When you make a change in choosing a different word to describe what you are doing and teaching, you start creating more freedom in your life.

Granting choice and guiding your dog to make the choice that is the safest and the most pleasurable for both of you creates the space for you to:

Enjoy daily walks.

Entertain friends and family at your house.

Feeling secure your dog is safe when he is left home alone.

Taking the simplest of action towards what you want, you start changing your life and you and your dog receive much more than just learning what a word means.

You start experiencing the joy of building a relationship with your companion.

Are you willing to try something new?

Stillness

Are you doing all the things trying to make your dog happy, but you’re still finding yourself frustrated by your dog’s biting and jumping?

You find yourself pouring all of your free time into specialized dog training groups on social media.

You’ve bought the latest and greatest books on dog training trying to find the answers to how to help your dog, but you feel like you’re a spinning top with no end in sight.

You’re sucked into watching dog training videos which is leading you into a spiraling down into the depths of your self doubt and despair.

The thoughts get louder that you “can’t do this.”

You’re walking around with your shoulders up to your ears, your brow furrowed and you loose out on sleep because you’re constantly worried about your dog’s wellbeing.

Your worry grows stronger as the days go on.

You exhausted from your wheels spinning, but you push yourself to keep going.

Why?

Maybe you don’t know what else to do.

You realize you haven’t taken a break to chat with a friend or do those things you find pleasure in doing.

Maybe you believe switching gears, slowing down or just taking a break isn’t going to help you reach your goals.

You’re hitting your breaking point and you acknowledge to yourself, you need relief from the struggle.

Stillness is your outlet to calm your central nervous system without checking out or numbing to what you’re going through.

Stillness allows your body to relax and get to a place of calm quiet even when life is going on around you.

Breathing deeply can lower your heart rate and settle your nerves.

Here are a few “go to’s” my clients created for themselves.

🎊Schedule social media time. This gives you freedom in doing all the scrolling you want during the hours of X and Y. This also help you not go into the black hole of any social media platform.

🎊Prioritize what social media groups you find are beneficial to you and get rid of the rest. Flooding your brain with information can lead you to what one client shared with me as “analysis paralysis.” Seeking all of the information can lead you to not taking action at all.

🎊Walk barefoot. Connecting your feet to the ground beneath you can ease the swirling thoughts of your mind.
Listen to the sounds of nature and allow for what shows up for you. You have the answers already, creating space for them to show up will help you reach your goal.

What happens when you create stillness for yourself, you also create stillness for your dog.

You begin offering activities your dog can do on his or her own when you take time for yourself.

You observe your dog settling more around your house.

By taking a step back from being the only source of entertainment for your dog, your dog has more opportunity to make choices for himself too.

Your dog starts making choices to entertain himself by going to the toy box on his own and making choices of grabbing a toy or finding a chewy along the way.

As you cultivate a feeling of calm for yourself, your dog starts feeling similarity and makes the choice to do those things that bring him more of the same too.

Take 5 minutes for yourself and see how it can rejuvenate you and your dog and create ease between you and your companion.

“Comparison is the Thief of Joy.”

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Interesting assertion made by Teddy Roosevelt.

Comparing yourself to others sets a bar of success that is unrelated to you.

It sets you up for spiraling thoughts of where you fall short, and gives up your power to someone else.

It can leave you defeated as you start on your own goals.

For instance, when you see your neighbor or a random stranger walking their dogs and their dogs are walking step in step with their person, you may see this as the ideal.

When you compare what is going on with you and your dog to this complete stranger or even family member, you may not know what it took to get there.

Rather than judging yourself to someone else’s achievement, ask yourself, “what do I want to achieve? How will I get there? Am I willing to do the work? What do I want my dog and myself to experience? Will I want support to get me to the other side of learning something new?

The only way to gain confidence in doing something new is to take action. You have to get through some fear before you take the first step.

Give yourself permission to mess things up and not get things right the first time. Or the second or the 80th. Life isn’t perfect and when we expect ourselves and our dogs to do it right always, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration.

Not to mention, it is totally unfair to pass these expectations on to your dog who is along for the ride and has no say in the matter.

Your dog is learning too.

Be kind to yourself and your dog.

You have permission to give yourself compassion for not getting it right. Stay open in learning something new, allow for new information to be accommodated into established beliefs and be comfortable with discomfort.

When you feel like you and your dog hit a wall with learning, find the positives of what you accomplished.

You may start off thinking the goal is at the top of an insurmountable mountain, but when you recognize the smallest of successes, you can see where you are going and you take the next step on your journey.

Some things to consider:

🔑 When you find yourself comparing what your doing with your dog to someone else and their dog, ask yourself: “What am I looking to achieve?” “What do I need to get there?” “How will I get started?” “Am I willing to put in the work?”

🔑 You also want to take a look at how you show up when things are messy and confusing. This is a first step in acknowledging that there will be bumps in the road. This will help you level your own expectation and humble you that you won’t get it right every time. You may also take a look at how your limiting beliefs try and tell you aren’t good enough, because those will for sure show up at these times and try to stop you from climbing your mountain.

🔑 Start off your training session and ask yourself, “how do I want to feel during practice?” “How do I want my dog to feel during practice?” This can be your barometer to measure what is feeling light, fun and building a connection between you and your dog. When it stops being those things, then take a break! I’ll go one step further and learn from this and adjust your practice so you can end on a good note. By ending on a good note, you and your dog will want to do this again later. This will feed you and your dog’s motivation.

🔑 Celebrate your wins. Celebrate them regardless of how big or small. Celebrate them even when something else didn’t work.

🔑 When you experience something not working during practice, shift your perspective into what about this not working is trying to tell me. There’s always information which can change performance in the next round if we are willing to take a look at what didn’t work during this round.